he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
