I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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