i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
