Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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