We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize