Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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