i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
