i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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