We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Omg I joined a choir last night...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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