Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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