Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So squirting runs in the family.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
