I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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