After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
