There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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