Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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