there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize