i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My dick has a subreddit
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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