Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
