So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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