It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The uberlube is also flammable
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize