Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
