i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
