Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
