There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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