Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
