So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
