i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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