i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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