Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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