I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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