She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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