I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
