Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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