Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize