Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Couch. On fire.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
