yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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