I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I need to sanitize my soul.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
