I got chris browned last night
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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