Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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