I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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