Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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