Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
found the other keg... it's in the tree
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
