its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You need Xanax blowdarts
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
