Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
