The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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