I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
