If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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