Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
