you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
