I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
