are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
