my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
