you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize