ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
