im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
