some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
