maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
