Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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