Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
