Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Randomize
