The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
