I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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