my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
