I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
