I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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