I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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